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My Greatest Problem: Unworthiness

 On this day, I finally understand my greatest problem.
It isn't my weight, height, age, talent, or my ability to generate wealth.

My greatest problem is my feeling of unworthiness, and my greatest error is trying to convince my ego that I am worthy through how I look, and what I have.

This morning after breakfast, I realized, while I was putting my silverware in the dishwasher, that God thinks I'm worthy. Jesus said that God loves and cares for me. So God takes care of my worthiness. Well, if God doesn't object to my physical appearance, why should I? And if God doesn't object to the way I look, and the amount of money I can make, why should I limit my loving and creative endeavors until everyone approves of how I look and what I do?

This isn't to say,

"Now that I know God approves of me, Wahoo!, Anything goes!"


I know from years of study and experience that my Liberty doesn't go so far that I have a God given license to hurt others, but it does give me full permission to act and create to my heart's desire. My heart and spirit's desire to act, sing, and dance was always limited by the idea, which I had internalized, that my appearance and offerings were not good enough, and that their low quality caused distress and annoyance to others. Therefore the voice in my head proclaimed,

"Out with your offerings and creations, and away with you! Go hide away in shame until you learn to do better."

By taking the voice of judgment and derision, and putting it into my own head, I gave myself permission to wait. I let it convince me that I had to hide and wait until I could make myself pretty and talented enough to avoid cruelty, not just from other people, but from myself.

This morning's discovery over the breakfast dishes revealed a solution to the problem of my frightened and judgemental ego. I can leave my worthiness up to God, and do the good things that are of service, and that bring joy.

May you find and accept your worthiness today, and I hope to see your loving creations and offerings very soon.

All the best,

Catherine Best Gordon

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